Bear

BEAR BASTARDS OF BAINBRIDGE HALL LEILA JAMES CONTENTS Credits PLAYLIST A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT NINE TEN ELEVEN TWELVE THIRTEEN FOURTEEN FIFTEEN SIXTEEN SEVENTEEN EIGHTEEN NINETEEN TWENTY TWENTY-ONE TWENTY-TWO TWENTY-THREE TWENTY-FOUR TWENTY-FIVE TWENTY-SIX TWENTY-SEVEN TWENTY-EIGHT TWENTY-NINE THIRTY THIRTY-ONE THIRTY-TWO THIRTY-THREE THIRTY-FOUR Also by Leila James Acknowledgments About the Author Copyright © 2023 by LEILA JAMES All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. Created with Vellum CREDITS Editing: Krista Dapkey www.kdproofreading.com Photography: Michelle Lancaster @lanefotograf Cover Design: Lori Jackson www.lorijacksondesign.com Model: Eric Guilmette @etfitnesscoach PLAYLIST “I Want To” Rosenfeld “Who Do You Want” Ex Habit “HSYEH” Dutch Melrose “Therapy” Voila “River” Bishop Briggs “Know Better” Josh Levi “The Wall” Patrick Reza “Sex and Candy” Alexander Jean “Please” Omido, Ex Habit “You Put A Spell On Me” Austin Giorgio “Body” (Slowed & Reverb) Rosenfeld “I’ll Make You Love Me” Kat Leon “Lips On You” Maroon 5 “Thriller” (Stripped) Jessie Villa “I’m Yours” Isabel LaRosa “Locksmith” Sadie Jean “Yes Girl” Bea Miller “In The End” (Mellen Gi Remix) Tommee Profitt, Fleurie, Mellen Gi A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR Bear is the second book in the Bastards of Bainbridge Hall trilogy, centering around three men and one woman. MMFM WARNING: This trilogy contains dark elements, graphic content, and situations that some readers may be particularly sensitive to. If you have triggers or are remotely unsure, please check out the Content Warnings on my website, available through the link below. Also, be aware that I don't always know how a series will end or all the underlying secrets until they reveal themselves in the writing process, so you may need to check content warnings for each book in the series as they come out. CONTENT WARNINGS ONE MASON Vivid blue eyes full of naked fear stare at me. I blink. Fuck. Lennon needs to stay so very fucking far away from me. I can’t appropriately handle the guilty what-ifs that creep through my mind. They’ll drive me insane if I dwell on them because I can’t exactly control when my brain decides to hiccup and confuse me. I know I become irrational, unfocused, and unable to distinguish dreams from reality. I’m aware of my issues, and I don’t foresee anything changing the way my twisted-up mind comprehends things. What if I’m truly tangled up in the past and I hurt her? My eyes drift to the side, scanning the assorted sketches plastered all over the attic—proof that my head is a very dangerous place, most especially for Lennon. What if I flip the fuck out on her like I did that day on the balcony, and no one is around to stop me? How far would I go? Would I push her over? Would I even realize what I was doing? I swallow hard, blinking some more. My gaze reconnects with hers. Wild panic fills her eyes. Fuck. Like a lightning bolt has cleaved us in two, I release my vice grip on Lennon’s neck and stumble backward, my head a confusing fucking mess. Dragging in great lungfuls of air, I give myself a shake before surveying the damage I’ve inflicted on Lennon. She’s collapsed onto the floor in front of the railing I had her pressed up against, the clothes she’d been clutching to her before I’d gone after her, scattered at her feet. Her face is a splotchy red and pink, cheeks wet. She’s shaking badly and gasping, each breath she takes labored. Agony roars through my body as my eyes crash shut. I hate myself. I fucking hate myself. I drop to my knees, clutching my head between my hands. I shake my head as the pain from what I’ve done to her seeps from every pore. Her lip wobbles as she stares at me. “W-what the fuck are you talking about?” she chokes out, her voice raw. I did that. I squeezed the fuck out of the slender column of her neck with my bare hand. I just wanted to make sure she understood how dangerous I can be. My chest fills with an agonizing ache, terrified of the havoc I could wreak on people I care for. Lennon was beginning to sneak past my defenses. I was beginning to feel something for her. Now you’ll be next—that’s what I said to her. Deep inside my twisted heart, I believe it to be true if she and I continue down this path. My chest heaves, and I look blankly at her. I can’t allow this girl to think she can somehow fix this. Fix me. I can’t let her get any closer, no matter what. I will cause her unimaginable pain. I might destroy her. But fuck, I want her. And I know I’m being foolish thinking I can break the connection between us so easily. I wish I could give her my heart. I’d rip it out of my goddamn chest and hand it to her if I thought there was a way, if I thought it’d be enough for her. That way I could keep my distance. My eyes flick around the attic, once again taking in all the emotional damage on display. How is she not running scared? I force out a sick laugh, glancing at her. I can’t give her more than a cursory look or I’ll beg her to forgive me. I’ll want to touch her. Hold her. I wet my lips, infusing a coldness to my tone as I snarl, “What am I talking about? You wanted to know so fucking bad what was in my head, why I am the way I am. Well, now you fucking know, don’t you? You know exactly how sick I really am, what I’ve done.” A vision of my mother tumbling over that