I Did It For You : A Novel


 
 
 
 Also by Amy Engel
 
 
 The Familiar Dark
 The Roanoke Girls
 The Revolution of Ivy
 The Book of Ivy
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC
 penguinrandomhouse.com
 
 Copyright © 2023 by Amy Engel
 Penguin Random House supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin Random House to continue to publish books for every reader.
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 library of congress cataloging-in-publication data
 Names: Engel, Amy, author.
 Title: I did it for you: a novel / Amy Engel.
 Description: New York : Dutton, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC, [2023]
 Identifiers: LCCN 2022042465 (print) | LCCN 2022042466 (ebook) | ISBN 9780593187395 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780593187401 (ebook)
 Subjects: LCGFT: Novels.
 Classification: LCC PS3605.N4354 I3 2023 (print) | LCC PS3605.N4354 (ebook) | DDC 813/.6—dc23/eng/20220909
 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022042465
 LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022042466
 Cover design by Kaitlin Kall
 Cover Images: Graffiti hear by teleport / Alamy Stock Photo; Car Dave Walsh / Millennium Images, UK
 Book design by Shannon Nicole Plunkett, adapted for ebook by Molly Jeszke
 This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
 pid_prh_6.1_144303409_c0_r0
 
 
 
 For my mother, who read me my very first book
 
 
 
 
 As long as you live, there’s always something waiting; and even if it’s bad, and you know it’s bad, what can you do? You can’t stop living.
 
 —Truman Capote, In Cold Blood
 
 
 
 Ludlow, Kansas
 She returned at dusk, just as the sun was sinking into red fire. Drove straight into town and took a right on Elm, rolling through the stop sign the way she always had. She was older now, her face thinner, eyes guarded, but instantly recognizable, even after all these years. Ludlow never forgot its own.
 The first call came from Mrs. Allard, who looked up from raking her last pile of leaves in time to see the car sail past. “She’s back,” she told Chet after she’d rushed inside, cell phone clutched hard in her hand. “About time, too.”
 “I’m sure she’s had her reasons for staying away,” Chet said, and Mrs. Allard huffed. Typical. Chet’d always had a soft spot for Greer Dunning. They all had, truth be told, especially after the murders. How could they not when there was no way to avoid seeing how hard her sister’s death had hit. At first, all Greer’s grief spewed outward in frantic claims that the 
 Chapter One
 I didn’t attend the execution, although I was invited. “Invited”—such a civilized word for a string of events that began with my sister’s brains being blown out and ended with his veins pumped full of state-sanctioned poison. I heard later, through the grapevine, that his final words were “I shouldn’t have done it.” A pretty half-assed apology, if you asked me. That same grapevine reported a last meal of chicken-fried steak and twice-baked potatoes, capped off with fresh strawberry shortcake. I wondered, for a long time, if it had been the kind made with biscuits or the kind made with angel food cake. Those were the type of pointless details my mind snagged on to keep it from having to think about uglier ones. Like how long it took him to die. Twelve minutes, for the record. I wish that brought me some pleasure. Or at least more pleasure than it does.
 After he was gone, I put him away. Did my best to shove