Love Again

PENGUIN BOOKS LOVE AGAIN Sofie Cramer, born 1974 in Soltau, Germany, studied German and Political Science in Bonn and Hanover. At the beginning of her career she worked as an editor for radio. Today she lives near Hamburg and makes her living as an author, writing novels and developing stories for film and television. Text for You is her third novel, and the first that she wrote under a pseudonym—among other reasons because she chose to draw on her own personal experiences. More on the author at www.sofie-cramer.de. PENGUIN BOOKS An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC penguinrandomhouse.com First published as Text for You in the United States of America by Penguin Books 2021 Published under the title Love Again 2023 Copyright © 2009 by Rowohlt Verlag GmbH Translation copyright © 2021 by Marshall Yarbrough Penguin Random House supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin Random House to continue to publish books for every reader. First published in German as SMS für dich by Rowohlt Taschenbuch Verlag, an imprint of Rowohlt Verlag GmbH, Reinbek bei Hamburg. library of congress cataloging-in-publication data Names: Cramer, Sofie, 1974- author. | Yarbrough, Marshall, translator. Title: Love again: a novel / Sofie Cramer; [translated by Marshall Yarbrough]. Other titles: SMS für dich. English Description: [New York]: Penguin Books, 2023. | “Previously published as Text for You.” Identifiers: LCCN 2023002423 (print) | LCCN 2023002424 (ebook) | ISBN 9780143138075 (trade paperback) | ISBN 9780593512166 (ebook) Subjects: LCGFT: Romance fiction. | Novels. Classification: LCC PT2707.O33 S6713 2023 (print) | LCC PT2707.O33 (ebook) | DDC 833/.92—dc23/eng/20230120 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2023002423 LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2023002424 Motion Picture Artwork © 2023 CTMG. All Rights Reserved. Designed by Alexis Farabaugh This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. pid_prh_6.0_143391202_c0_r1 For Björn prologue “Good morning, Lilime. Care for a croissant?” Without opening her eyes, Clara breathes in the delightful aroma of fresh coffee. She stretches out on the soft bed and surrenders herself to the warm feeling that fills her entire body. It must be the weekend! Otherwise there’s no way Ben would be up getting breakfast ready, especially given how late they’d gotten to bed last night. It must have been close to four o’clock by the time they’d come stumbling home from their favorite Italian place. This was after two bottles of rosé and way too many glasses of Ramazzotti, urged on them by Beppo in that charming way of his, just like he did every time they ate there. When they got to the stairs, Ben scooped Clara up in his arms and carried her to the third floor without batting an eye, simply because her feet were hurting from all the impromptu dancing on the way home. Now he carefully sets the tray down and gingerly sits next to her. Tenderly his lips begin to brush against her face. “Actually I had something else in mind,” Ben whispers in her ear. Clara is a little more awake now. She feels Ben’s fine, short stubble on her chest. His mouth slides slowly down her paper-thin nightie. She loves it when he wakes her up like this. Nothing gives her such a sense of being taken care of than to feel his strong body so close to hers. But he’s very light. And she can barely sense the familiar way he smells. Something is different today. Hesitantly, as if in a trance, Clara opens her eyes. And all at once she’s wide awake. For a second she feels like a stranger, trapped in a time that’s unfamiliar to her. And suddenly it’s back again, the brutal reality: Ben isn’t here. Ben will never be here again. She must have been dreaming. It’s been a long time since Clara had a dream. In the last two months and five days, she hasn’t smiled either—though she’s tried to, every now and then. Like for example when she’s attempting to keep her mother from launching into another one of her exhausting pep talks. If she were the old Clara again, maybe her mother would be more willing to leave her alone and let her manage all by herself. All by herself . . . That’s exactly how she’s felt since that day in January when her beloved Ben fell to his death from a balcony. All by herself. Abandoned. Alone. Alone with all the thoughts that haunt Clara like a giant shadowy figure. Especially at night. Again and again she’ll wake from a restless, dreamless sleep. Only for a fleeting, peaceful second between sleep and waking does Clara feel like the Clara she used to be. Before Ben died, Clara was a confident, independent woman. A woman who was less romantic and sentimental than most of her friends. It was this strong, rational side that Ben had found captivating about her right from the start. They each had different ways of looking at the world, true, but together their separate worldviews formed a wonderfully complete vision that was a source of comfort and support for both of them. Whenever they fought, they were quick to make up afterward. One of them would say something, sheepishly, trying to swallow their pride, then a gesture here or there would give way to a familiar touch as their bodies drew closer. This was usually followed by a playful chase around their cozy one-bedroom apartment, until finally Clara fell exhausted into Ben’s arms. As he held her she could feel his fingers on her ribs beneath her shirt, and all he would have to do then