The Sweetest Agony

Copyright © 2023 Victoria Lum Published by Eternal Hearts Publishing All Rights Reserved This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. No part of this book may be reproduced, copied, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical without the expressed permission of the author. This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. Cover Design Copyright © 2023 Y’All That Graphic Editing by Becca Mysoor, Grace Bradley, and Amy Briggs Proofreading by Virginia Tesi Carey Formatting by Elaine York, Allusion Publishing Dedication Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen Chapter Twenty Chapter Twenty-One Chapter Twenty-Two Chapter Twenty-Three Chapter Twenty-Four Chapter Twenty-Five Chapter Twenty-Six Chapter Twenty-Seven Chapter Twenty-Eight Chapter Twenty-Nine Chapter Thirty Chapter Thirty-One Chapter Thirty-Two Chapter Thirty-Three Chapter Thirty-Four Chapter Thirty-Five Chapter Thirty-Six Chapter Thirty-Seven Chapter Thirty-Eight Epilogue Acknowledgements About the Author To all the girls who feel less than for whatever reason, you’re perfect, just the way you are. Jess I HAVE VOICES in my mind, monsters in my head. It’s not the “I’m hearing voices” of the psychological thriller variety, but more of an incessant chatter of nonstop opinions on every action I take, a seatbelt tethered to my waist keeping me from reaching out and taking risks. It’s like the annoying malware running in the background of your computer and no matter how hard you try to purge it from the system, it sticks to you like slime. In my case, I get daily reminders of how people will all leave me at some point because, despite outward appearances, I’m flawed inside. Marybeth Connors, my therapist back in college, used to tell me this is, in clinical terms, my general anxiety disorder talking. Logically, her diagnosis makes sense, but emotionally, it’s still a horrible place to be in most of the time. But today? Those voices can all be quiet because nothing will shake my good mood. Absolutely nothing. Why? Because James, my best friend, is moving back from London. I think a smile is permanently plastered on my face. “Whoa, look at you! What’s going on, Jess? It’s Monday morning. The smile on your face should be illegal.” Rebecca Winslow, known to all her friends as Becca, smirks at me as I set down my bag and laptop in the cubicle next to hers. We both work at Anderson and Little, one of the largest accounting firms in the world where she and I are both senior audit managers. We’re on the partner track, attempting to be two of the youngest female partners at the firm. Instead of the expected passive aggressiveness one might expect with a fellow competitor, we bond over being two of the small female pool of candidates up for promotion at the firm. If we women lift each other up and celebrate our successes instead of tearing each other down, will we make more strides in pay equity and promotion opportunities? I like to think so. “James called me last night. He’s moving back to LA for good! I’m so excited. It’s been years since I’ve seen him.” I set a cup of coffee and a chocolate croissant in front of her. “For you, your usual triple-shot latte with coconut milk and a bonus pastry just because. But seriously, cut back on the caffeine. You’ll give yourself a heart attack one of these days.” “You’re so awesome! What would I ever do without you?” Becca takes a sip of her coffee and groans in pleasure. “Luckily, I don’t think you’ll ever have to find out.” I grin at her expression. Seeing the joy I put on the faces of my friends is better than receiving presents for myself. “Is this the James Chapman who is your ‘just friends only’ best guy friend who lives in London? And he’s moving all the way across the world? Conveniently to where you are, even though his family is based on the East Coast?” She has always doubted our friendship status. As if James and I can be anything else other than best friends. Ridiculous. I raise my right eyebrow and deadpan, “Yes, my best friend is moving here, where his sister also lives.” “Hmmm…all right, all right. I’ll stop talking since this conversation clearly won’t go anywhere.” She mimes zipping up her lips. I turn on my laptop, bracing myself for the influx of emails to greet me when my mailbox loads. “Yep. I haven’t seen him since…” I crinkle my forehead in concentration. “When Nana passed, so, almost eight years now. We talk around once a month or so, but it’s just not the same as having him here in person. I’m so excited!” “Wow! You haven’t seen him for that long?” “Yeah. For half of the time, we were poor students with no money to fly internationally and I refuse to use my parents’ funds. Hence, I drive the trusty, reliable compact car costing less than Mother’s outfit of the day.” I hear the clicking of her keyboard as she types away. “What about the last few years?” “Both of us have crazy work schedules and I wanted to go visit him, but we just can’t get our schedules lined up. I told him come hell or high water, I’m flying out there this year and camping outside his flat no matter what, even if he spends all his time at work and I only see him for half an hour a day. But now he is coming back and this is even better!” “That’s great, Jess. So happy for you. I can’t wait to meet him.” She