A Lifetime of Afters

A Lifetime of Afters Sage Ridge Book 1 Devin Sloane Copyright © 2023 Devin Sloane All Rights Reserved ISBN 9798387295294 This is a work of fiction. The characters and events portrayed in this book are a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher. Cover Art by Devin Sloane Interior Design and Formatting by Devin Sloane Table of Contents Playlist Dedication Chapter One - Goodbye Chapter Two - Infinite Chapter Three - Welcome Home Chapter Four - Impassable Chapter Five - Cold Chapter Six - The Frivolity of Hope Chapter Seven - Truce Chapter Eight - Kool-Aid Chapter Nine - Irrefutable Proof Chapter Ten - Pussy Phobia Chapter Eleven - Direct Hit Chapter Twelve - Temporarily Chapter Thirteen - Once Chapter Fourteen - Eyes on Me Chapter Fifteen - Home Chapter Sixteen - Taquitos Chapter Seventeen - Time Chapter Eighteen - Cloud Nine Chapter Nineteen - Limits Chapter Twenty - Set Up Chapter Twenty-One - Love Him Chapter Twenty-Two - My Sweet Girl Chapter Twenty-three - Gamble Chapter Twenty-four - Better Chapter Twenty-five - Consequences Chapter Twenty-six - Sanctimonious Chapter Twenty-seven - Love Chapter Twenty-eight - Santa, baby. Chapter Twenty-nine - All of Me Chapter Thirty - Tonight Chapter Thirty-one - Infinite Chapter Thirty-Two - Christmas in July Chapter Thirty-three - Favor Chapter Thirty-four - Checklist Chapter Thirty-five - Three Little Words Epilogue – Live Again – Acknowledgements Also by Devin Sloane About the Author Playlist Leah Nobel - Not Ready to Say Goodbye Dash Berlin – Better Half of Me SVRCINA – Island Freya Ridings – Blackout NF - Paralyzed Declan J Donovan - Numb NF/Britt Nicole – Can You Hold Me Elina - Here With Me Dangerkids – Invincible Summer Phil Wickham – It’s Always Been You Lady A - Ocean Jasmine Thompson - Like I’m Gonna Lose You James Arthur - Falling Like the Stars Apollo - DNA Caleb Hearn - It’s Always Been You https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1kCRl2pitJwbrTKOZaDsxq?si=9937e7ac29ba47a1 Dedication This one is for Crystal Kaiser and my entire ARC team who participated in this book like it was a Choose Your Own Adventure! You’re golden. Chapter One - Goodbye Camouflage eyes that reflected every color of the forest but hid his every thought locked steadily onto mine. So. This was it. The sounds of the park that kept me company while I waited for him, the dogs barking, children squealing, parents and grandparents calling out encouragement interspersed with sharp warnings to be careful, receded into the background as I stared back at him. Only yesterday I’d entertained the thought of bringing him home to meet my family. No longer able to bear the weight of his scrutiny, I dropped my chin to focus on the rough wooden boards of the picnic table spanning the growing distance between us. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his big body momentarily shift toward me only to retreat abruptly. I watched as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. Hands that only yesterday would have reached out to hold me. My heart recoiled as the sharp barb of loss pierced me. I sucked in a deep breath and pushed the pain back out. I didn’t blame him. I couldn’t. He didn’t mean any more to me than I meant to him. But I’d hoped we could be more. “I understand,” I uttered through wooden lips. “That special something that we should feel in our guts just isn’t there.” Was that true? The tension in his wide shoulders eased as his rumbly voice extended an olive branch. “We’ll part as friends.” Pain twisted my guts, and my lips pressed together into a thin line. He was more than a friend. He was my companion. My lover. My friend. He was hope. But he was not mine. He was never mine just as I was never his. If you had given yourself to him, it could have been different. I knew that, but I didn’t think I was capable of giving myself to anyone. Tears of disappointment prickled behind my eyes. I blinked them back quickly and offered him a small smile. “No, it’s too late for that, but we don’t part as enemies,” I promised. “I’ll remember you as the one who healed what was broken. And showed me how high to raise the bar.” For a moment I stared off into the trees as if they held the answers. Why was I never the one? And, why, oh why, did it always come back to HIM? The wind picked up and tossed my long hair around as if it knew I needed to shake off those thoughts. Turning back to Barrett, I took him in one last time, his severe features dear to me though perhaps not loved. Even so, my fingers ached to touch him one last time. A goodbye. I stood and circled the end of the table. With my palms cradling his wild beard, I pressed my dry lips to his immobile ones briefly before releasing him and stepping away. “Good luck, Barrett. I sincerely hope you get what you deserve,” I whispered, the only sound that could make it past the lump lodged in my throat. The groove in his forehead deepened, and I could not help but laugh. “Don’t think too hard, I’ll rephrase. I hope you feel it in your gut next time and that she feels the same. I wish you every happiness.” I paused to read his face. “Better?” “Thank you.” He gave me a rare grin. “You deserve nothing less. I hope you don’t settle next time.” I felt my lips melt into the smile time spent with him never failed to elicit. “I have no regrets. You