Tanya: Poems

Contents Cover Other Titles Title Page Copyright Dedication Epigraph Contents Saeculum I: Moving Far Away Tell Our Mothers We Tell Ourselves the Story We Believe Is Ours The Impossible Lesbian Love Object(s) On The Shaded Line by Lauren Lovette Who Sings Whose Songs? On Loss of Feathers by Ursula von Rydingsvard On Romeu, “My Deer” by Berlinde De Bruyckere For the Matter to Mean and the Meaning Matter The Artist Jessica Rankin She Stands The Poets Are Dying Afterlife Urv Predicts the Pres(id)ent What Have I Done? II: Coursework III: Tanya I: What are we if we stop II: “You”—my friend I made and lost, I did not write III: An old spark may stay true, if you want IV: If only humor weren’t so desperate V: Is there an empirical me ruling VI: I learned new hell on my own VII: If you scratch the surface of writing VIII: To fill a page to open a mind IX: Your need is yours, I’m not grateful X: “Ruin” is “I run” XI: That taught me to read other friends later: if they bailed XII: Locked in, every key sets two free Acknowledgments Landmarks Cover Cover Title Page Table of Contents Start Copyright Print Page List i ii iii iv v vii ix x 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 
 
 
 
 
 Also by Brenda Shaughnessy
 
 The Octopus Museum
 So Much Synth
 Our Andromeda
 Human Dark with Sugar
 Interior with Sudden Joy
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 THIS IS A BORZOI BOOK
 PUBLISHED BY ALFRED A. KNOPF
 Copyright © 2023 by Brenda Shaughnessy
 All rights reserved.
 Published in the United States by Alfred A. Knopf, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York, and distributed in Canada by Penguin Random House Canada Limited, Toronto.
 aaknopf.com
 Knopf, Borzoi Books, and the colophon are registered trademarks of Penguin Random House LLC.
 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
 Names: Shaughnessy, Brenda, 1970- author.
 Title: Tanya : poems / Brenda Shaughnessy.
 Description: First Edition. | New York : Alfred A. Knopf, 2023.
 Identifiers: LCCN 2022023543 (print) | LCCN 2022023544 (ebook) | ISBN 9780593535936 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781524712273 (trade paperback) | ISBN 9780593535943 (ebook)
 Subjects: LCGFT: Poetry.
 Classification: LCC PS3569.H353 T36 2023 (print) | LCC PS3569.H353 (ebook) | DDC 811/.54—dc23
 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022023543
 LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022023544
 Ebook ISBN 9780593535943
 Cover artwork: Mirror, 2022 by Clementine Keith-Roach / P·P·O·W, New York
 Cover design by Janet Hansen
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 For my mother, Mitsuko Higa, my first artist
 
 
 
 The strange thing, on looking back, was the purity, the integrity, of her feeling for Sally. It was not like one’s feeling for a man. It was completely disinterested, and besides, it had a quality which could only exist between women, between women just grown up.
 —Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway
 I paint flowers so they will not die.
 —Frida Kahlo
 
 
 
 CONTENTS
 
 Saeculum
 
 
 I MOVING FAR AWAY
 
 Tell Our Mothers We Tell Ourselves the Story We Believe Is Ours
 The Impossible Lesbian Love Object(s)
 On The Shaded Line by Lauren Lovette
 Who Sings Whose Songs?
 On Loss of Feathers by Ursula von Rydingsvard
 On Romeu, “My Deer” by Berlinde De Bruyckere
 For the Matter to Mean and the Meaning Matter
 The Artist Jessica Rankin
 She Stands
 The Poets Are Dying
 Afterlife
 Urv Predicts the Pres(id)ent
 What Have I Done?
 
 
 
 II COURSEWORK
 
 
 III TANYA
 
 I What are we if we stop
 II “You”—my friend I made and lost, I did not write
 III An old spark may stay true, if you want
 IV If only humor weren’t so desperate
 V Is there an empirical me ruling
 VI I learned new hell on my own
 VII If you scratch the surface of writing
 VIII To fill a page to open a mind
 IX Your need is yours, I’m not grateful
 X “Ruin” is “I run”
 XI That taught me to read other friends later: if they bailed
 XII Locked in, every key sets two free
 
 
 
 Acknowledgments
 
 
 _142789174_
 
 Saeculum
 She was Woman of the Year that year. She got a plaque.
 The next year they—those who chose Woman of the Year
 each year—canceled the award for the foreseeable future.
 It was decided that 
 I
 Moving Far Away
 I hear they’re trying to make borders in water now,
 to declare it a place, impose a shape,
 dissolve the solvent.
 It’s no solution to our probable problem:
 I’ll never see