The Destruction of Dahlias

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by reviewers, who may quote brief passages in a review. The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2023 by A.R. Breck. All rights reserved. Cover design by Ashes & Vellichor Editing by Nice Girl Naughty Edits Proofreading by Rumi Khan Formatting by AJ Wolf Graphics Table of Contents Copyright Dedication Playlist Trigger Warnings Preface Author’s Note Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen Chapter Twenty Chapter Twenty-One Chapter Twenty-Two Chapter Twenty-Three Chapter Twenty-Four Chapter Twenty-Five Chapter Twenty-Six Chapter Twenty-Seven Chapter Twenty-Eight Chapter Twenty-Nine Chapter Thirty Chapter Thirty-One Chapter Thirty-Two Chapter Thirty-Three Chapter Thirty-Four Coming Next National Sexual Assault Hotline Acknowledgements Books by A.R. Breck About the Author Follow Me To anyone who fell victim to any form of abuse, I stand by you. We are warriors. To anyone suffering from mental health issues, I also stand by you. You are a warrior. Playlist Fix You by Coldplay Skinny Love by Birdy The Night We Met by Lord Huron My Tears Ricochet by Taylor Swift Heal by Tom Odell Astronomy by Conan Gray When We Were Young by Adele Heather by Conan Gray Break My Heart Again by Finneas When the Party’s Over by Billie Eilish Bored by Billie Eilish Atlas: Touch by Sleeping At Last Sparks by Coldplay Happiness Is a Butterfly by Lana Del Ray Lovely by Billie Eilish and Khalid Always by Gavin James July by Noah Cyrus Turning Tables by Adele I Found by Amber Run If By Chance by Ruth B. The One That Got Away by Brielle Von Hugel Out Of Love by Alessia Cara Liability by Lorde State Lines by Novo Amor Stay Alive by Jose Gonzalez Carry You by Novo Amor Oceans by Seafret Space Song by Beach House To Build A Home by The Cinematic Orchestra Love In The Dark by Adele Colour to Colour by Seyr Unstoppable by Sia Trigger warnings This book contains the following triggers: suicidal ideations, adult situations, violence, domestic violence, and strong language. If you have any triggers, please read with caution. Preface Bipolar disorder, definition: formerly called manic depression, is considered a mental health condition that causes extreme mood swings that include emotional highs (mania or hypomania) and lows (depression). Writing is considered a form of therapy, and it didn’t take much for me to realize I needed to tell my story. I wanted to share my experiences of love, life, and loss. Living through the five stages of grief doesn’t necessarily require a death. You can experience so much loss without burying a single body. When it comes to mental health, I think it’s important to understand that it isn’t a clear-cut, one-direction symptom and diagnosis. Mental health shows in many different forms. It’s not single sided. Hell, it’s not even double sided. Mental illness is the most difficult, complex issue we experience in the world. What I have personally experienced with mental illness may be a completely different story than what everyone else may have experienced. Please keep in mind that throughout the story, the symptoms and behaviors of bipolar II have been diagnosed by a psychiatrist, and this is not something that has been assumed or undiagnosed. Book two of this series will contain fictional and nonfictional elements, incorporating the raw, real, and painful aspects of my life. It’s what I have experienced through the years, and more so, through the last year. It’s not pretty, and if I can advise you at this time, I will. There are heavy triggers in this book. Welcome to my story, and I honestly still have no clue how it ends. Author’s Note Don’t be angry at someone’s choices. Be proud of their journey and where they end. Sometimes it takes a war to climb to the top of the mountain, but boy, isn’t that view beautiful from the top? This book may not be what you were expecting, but this is my journey to be told. I will tell you with complete honesty, at the end of this horrible story, there will be a happy ending. Sometimes it just takes a while to get there. This book includes fictional and non-fictional elements. Chapter One VIVIANNA Hell isn’t just an illusion. It isn’t the place where the evil and corrupt go to live their miserable lives in eternal flames. Hell is here. Hell is now. I’m living it. And I’m not sure I’ll even escape the fate I’ve been strewn into. My skin warms, prickling from the heat of the fire. It burns, licking my sensitive scars that are all too familiar with the feeling of fire. Of melting flesh against my bones. Limbs twitching, I itch to get away as my eyes burn from the dryness of the air. I can’t move. With my feet cemented to the dewy earth beneath my bare feet, my toes curl into the soil and leaves. The place between my legs throbs with the hell not surrounding me, but the absolute horror of what’s happened inside of me. The vile defiling by a monster that deserves worse than hell. A destruction to the last pieces of wholeness I once believed I had. It no longer exists, ripped from my body without remorse. It isn’t anything I’ll ever recover from. There is not any amount of healing that can bring back the virtue of my soul. No means no, and in the instance of my body, no may have been a spark in the flames, drifting into the sky before it burns out and fades away. There