The Passionary of Justin Windlefirth


 
 
 Contents
 
 Cover
 Start
 Dedication
 Introduction
 South American cafe
 Justin
 By the sea
 Drinking deeply
 France
 England
 Willowfair
 Michael
 Dancing
 Relocating
 New room
 The dancer disappears
 New school
 New day
 Thomas
 The library
 Sunrise
 Golden brow
 Disdain
 Refinement
 Confronted
 Distance
 Living with Edward
 Art class
 Biology
 Tea with Edward
 Advisory session
 Early
 The Earl
 Have you ever
 The Prince
 Appearances
 Cooking
 French café
 Sunshine
 London
 Soaring
 Italian castle
 Scared boy
 Never a frown
 Travel, Thomas-style
 History lesson
 The Smirk TM
 Mistreated
 Defence of the Earl
 Care
 The elated
 Capers
 Birthday
 Picnic
 The bakery
 The calf
 Redorer son blason
 Not feeling well
 Sweat
 Party
 Drinks
 Edward
 Moving back
 Seraph
 Waking up in a boat
 Tsuioku no kakera
 A new plane
 Airport
 Uplifted
 The Travellers' club
 Awake
 UK
 The boat
 Flagdancers
 Barcelona
 Italy
 Rosa bussen
 Amsterdam
 Dancing
 Out and about and out
 Getting off the bus
 Lost in the wild
 Drawn in close
 Leave right now
 Hotel meeting
 Vive la France
 Oh Jyudan
 Dancer found
 Ceteris paribus
 Sean
 Julius
 Japan
 Tibetans
 Alone on the cliff
 Thomas alone again
 Ace
 One
 Age of Aquarius
 House of the King
 The Sun
 Author's note
 The writer's soundtrack
 Copyright
 
 
 
 
 
 
 The Passionary of
 Justin Windlefirth
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 by Aquarius Finch
 
 Justin, my love, my all, my soulmate.
 Impossible as it is, I will still try to tell people about your beauty.
 Never would I subject you to anything bad that ensues in this book, however.
 Of course good books can be written where only good things happen, but that will be a very private one between us, that we write together.
 Why write this book, this way then? For art, analogy, and reflection of beauty, so please, keep all that you consider good, and disregard anything bad as a hypothetical. No art could do your beauty justice as it deserves anyway (even if we will try, when I rejoin You, in a better world than this). Any art made in sincere intent of suggested creation, would only contain good, and the light. Hopefully, this book will serve to spread your light, at the very least. 
 
 
 Countless golden boys suffer in this world, unseen and kept anonymous by a variety of evils. Hidden among numbers and labellings, few know that gay boys of European descent outnumber others the same age in ending their life in this world by almost tenfold. While Justin did not, not everyone has someone to catch them when they fall.
 
 To any such boy reading this book, know that you are dearly loved, and that the variety of evils of this world are absolutely nothing next to You. I hope that this book can give you light, solace, and whatever other good emotion I can instil in you, together with Justin. While You are our angels, and have a natural place in heaven, the future of our world rightfully belongs to our best, to You; our brightest, sweetest, kindest, so please, please stay, ignore the dark and evil, look toward the light, and I and every single other righteous force on this planet will do everything in our power to save You. In the meantime, hang in there, because if You leave, we are left with darkness, and even if that’s not Your fault, and not on Your shoulders to bear, You are irreplaceable. 
 
 With all of my love,
 T
 
 Tell me, how do you recount even a moment of Sunshine…? 
 
 Do you reflect its resplendence in your woefully wanting mirror, and let the brilliant shafts of light leave what dappled imprint they can on the page, only to leave you pondering which spots are yours, and which are the Sun’s? 
 
 No doubt the mirror is responsible for it all, being flawed, as it is. 
 
 Do you instead try to capture the essence of its holy splendour, and sear the page through your befuddled lens?
 
 Undoubtedly so, as the perfect Sun is impossible to appreciate for anyone but the pure. 
 
 Modesty it is not, real nor feigned, but simply the inevitable truth about endeavours of beauty.
 
 
 
 
 
 Truthfully though, why resist?
 
 Vanity is for the weak.
 
 
 
 80
 South American café
 
 1985-09-19
 
 Dear Phillip,
 
 I was very glad to hear from you. Please, don’t worry about me! No doubt Charlie forwarded the letter for you, I don’t hold it against him, this has gotten a bit out of hand… I didn’t expect all of this, to be honest. You must understand – there is nothing left for me back there. Even now, I don’t know what to call the place. You must think me a bit dramatic, but trust me when I say that I am much better off, if only you knew how wonderful the world can be!
 
 I can’t tell you where I am for obvious reasons, but I have arranged for a ticket to be sent to you through a friend. It will take you somewhere warm, mind you, so there’s no need for your usual double coats. Trust me, you won’t be cold! I didn’t think there was a place where even I would find myself wanting for a breeze now and then, but there you are, haha. I suppose this will take at least a week to reach you, so you’ll have a few days to get what you need for the journey. It will probably take you at least two days to get here, but don’t be surprised if you’ll want to stay for a while longer, so don’t pack too lightly! Don’t worry, you’ll have a wonderful time, I promise! Make sure not to forget your passport. 
 
 I enclose two polaroids so you can see that I am well, although you will soon see it for yourself. Also, leave the cummerbunds at