Wonderlight

wonderlight A LOVE STORY TINA SPENCER Copyright © 2023 by Tina Spencer All rights reserved. ISBN 978-1-7388701-0-3 ISBN 978-1-7388701-1-0 (ebook) www.tinaspencerbooks.com No part of this publication may be reproduced, scanned, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. This book is a work of fiction. Though many locations in the book are real, proximities and some places are fictional. The characters, names, organizations, places, businesses, events and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination and are fictitious. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, events or establishments is purely coincidental. Editing: Elaine York at Allusion Publishing Proofreading: Crystal Durnan at Anima Editing To those fighting their way out of darkness And to all the closeted hopeless romantics: Lachlan is for you “I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, The Astonishing Light of your own being.” - Hafez author’s note Before you embark on an adventure to Scotland, I want to let you know that this book contains themes and subject matter some may find triggering. There is mention of SA (in memory), depression, and anxiety. For a full list of content warnings, please visit www.tinaspencerbooks.com. As well, Canadian/ British English is used throughout the novel to stay authentic to the characters and the locations in the book. spotify playlist Take It Away - The Used Crawling - Linkin Park Underwater - Rufus du Sol Gordon’s - Gnoss The Merry Sisters of Fate - Lúnasa Somewhere I Belong - Linkin Park Perfect Storm - Duncan Chisholm Ocean Eyes - Billie Eilish Drifting Away - Audien, Joe Jury Into You - Ariana Grande Open End Resource - Andrew Bayer, Alison May No Place - Rufus du Sol Halo - Beyonce Freeze - Kygo Falls - ODESZA, Sasha Alex Sloan After You (feat. Calle Lehmann) - Gryffin, Jason Ross contents Author’s Note Spotify Playlist Prologue 1. Avery 2. Avery 3. Avery 4. Avery 5. Avery 6. Avery 7. Avery 8. Avery 9. Lachlan 10. Avery 11. Avery 12. Avery 13. Avery 14. Lachlan 15. Avery 16. Avery 17. Avery 18. Avery 19. Avery 20. Avery 21. Lachlan 22. Avery 23. Avery 24. Avery 25. Avery 26. Lachlan 27. Avery 28. Avery 29. Avery 30. Avery 31. Lachlan 32. Avery 33. Avery 34. Avery 35. Lachlan 36. Lachlan 37. Avery 38. Avery 39. Avery 40. Avery 41. Avery 42. Lachlan 43. Lachlan 44. Avery 45. Avery 46. Avery 47. Avery 48. Lachlan 49. Lachlan 50. Avery 51. Avery 52. Avery 53. Lachlan 54. Lachlan 55. Avery 56. Avery 57. Avery 58. Avery 59. Lachlan 60. Lachlan 61. Avery Epilogue Thank You Acknowledgments About the Author prologue AVERY Five years earlier Dr. Samson’s office is the stereotypical therapist’s office. Warm light, fuzzy burnt orange couch, and yellow cushions. He’s got too many plants crammed in this space, and his bookshelves are the vibrant colours of the rainbow. It’s like he’s trying to jam happiness down your throat just by sitting here. I thought he was a child psychologist when I first met him. The room smells like pages from old books. It’s kind of perfect, actually. The guy is educated and well-spoken. And he understands things without making me feel like shit about it. That’s why I’ve stuck with him for this long. Even if he goes all philosophical on me once in a while. It’s been just over a year since I started working with Dr. Samson. The days blend together, an endless blur of monotony, and I continue to leave this office empty-handed. I haven’t gotten better and I’m starting to think I never will. Maybe I’ll forever roam this world as a mere shadow of the person I used to be. “Are you going to say anything, or are you going to pick at your nails until there is nothing left but bone?” Dr. Samson sits across from me in his usual attire of jeans and grey sweater. His go-to look is comfortable-chic and he never holds anything back. He also never asks me how something—trivial or monumental—makes me feel. Thank God for that. I grind my teeth, biting into the flesh inside my cheek until the metallic taste of blood fills my mouth. It’s a great distraction but a dangerous one. Replacing one type of discomfort with another. I shift in my seat, the fresh scars on my inner thighs rub against the rough fabric of my jeans, providing a new sensation to fixate on. “I don’t know what you want me to say. Feels like I haven’t made any progress. If anything, I’m getting worse. And to top it off, I’ve been having this one recurring dream lately, and when I wake up I can’t get enough air. My body is literally trying to suffocate me.” Dr. Samson doesn’t take notes. He watches me. Listening intently. “How long have you been having this new dream?” My eyes fall to the ground. If I look up at him, I won’t be able to go on. Talking about this shit never gets easier. It’s like staring up at a monstrous mountain, knowing you’ll never take a single step. Coming to therapy is torture, when you’d rather be anywhere but inside your head. I exhale heavily. “Showed up about two weeks ago and inserted itself into the regularly scheduled roster of nightmares I get to choose from. I have a good selection now. Variety.” Dr. Samson patiently waits for me to tell him about my dream. He never asks. It’s up to me to talk. I have the choice to share or stay silent the full hour I’m here every week. Having the choice is apparently an important part of my healing journey. The sooner I do this, the sooner I can leave. “It always starts at the same place. I’m drowning, stuck