I'll Never Tell


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 Copyright
 
 An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd
 1 London Bridge Street
 London SE1 9GF
 First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2023
 Copyright © Philippa East 2023
 Philippa East asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
 A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
 This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
 All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
 Ebook Edition © January 2023 ISBN: 9780008455804
 Version 2022-11-24
 
 
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 Page numbers taken from the following print edition: ISBN 9780008455781
 
 
 
 
 
 Praise for Philippa East
 ‘Another solid psychological thriller … Fully developed characters who behave realistically complement the twisty plot. East is a writer to watch.’
 PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
 ‘An engrossing, twisty tale.’
 NELL PATTISON
 ‘Taut, tantalizing suspense … Safe and Sound is gripping, spellbinding, and completely addictive.’
 SAMANTHA M. BAILEY
 ‘A thought-provoking thriller.’
 HEAT
 ‘A clever and gripping psychological thriller … It draws the reader into the character’s mind and onwards to a startling conclusion.’
 JENNY QUINTANA
 ‘Breathtaking suspense. A phenomenal talent.’
 HOLLY SEDDON
 ‘An addictive and gripping read which kept me obsessively turning the pages; it is heart-breaking in its conclusion and packed with complex characters who stayed with me for days.’
 LOUISE MUMFORD
 ‘Terrifically engaging.’
 JO SPAIN
 ‘Captivating and heartbreaking. An emotional family drama filled with twists and turns that will keep you guessing until the end.’
 LAURE VAN RENSBURG
 ‘Addictive. I couldn’t put it down.’
 PHOEBE MORGAN
 ‘Atmospheric, page-turning … Combining heart-rending sensitivity with sock-it-to-’em twists.’
 HELEN MONKS TAKHAR
 ‘Tense.’
 ARAMINTA HALL
 ‘Elegantly written with an effective blend of suspense and psychological insight. An extremely gripping read.’
 MELANIE GOLDING
 ‘Heart-breakingly realistic.’
 GYTHA LODGE
 ‘Such an original plot; a heart-breaking exploration of mental illness, loneliness and obsession, with characters who will stay with you long after you’ve read the final page.’
 JACKIE KABLER
 ‘Compelling and beautifully written.’
 DEBBIE HOWELLS
 ‘This emotional, twisty plot leads to a satisfyingly spellbinding end.’
 CANDIS
 ‘A brilliant portrayal of the chasm that often exists between the reality of our lives and how we portray ourselves. It drew me in from the first chapter and had me hooked until the end!’
 NIKKI SMITH
 ‘Engrossing and affecting … Beautifully written.’
 ROZ WATKINS
 ‘Philippa East has somehow maintained a real sense of foreboding throughout but at the same time there’s a genuine poignancy in the fears that beset almost all the characters.’
 TREVOR WOOD
 
 
 
 
 To the D20 Authors and to Laure Van Rensburg
 who contributed mightily to the salvage operation
 
 
 
 Contents
 
 Cover
 Praise
 About the Author
 Booklist
 Title Page
 Copyright
 Note to Readers
 Dedication
 Chapter 1: Julia
 Chapter 2: Paul
 Chapter 3: Paul
 Chapter 4: Paul
 Chapter 5: Julia
 Chapter 6: Paul
 Chapter 7: Paul
 Chapter 8: Paul
 Chapter 9: Paul
 Chapter 10: Julia
 Chapter 11: Paul
 Chapter 12: Paul
 Chapter 13: Julia
 Chapter 14: Paul
 Chapter 15: Paul
 Chapter 16: Paul
 Chapter 17: Paul
 Chapter 18: Paul
 Chapter 19: Julia
 Chapter 20: Paul
 Chapter 21: Paul
 Chapter 22: Paul
 Chapter 23: Julia
 Chapter 24: Paul
 Chapter 25: Julia
 Chapter 26: Paul
 Chapter 27: Julia
 Chapter 28: Paul
 Chapter 29: Julia
 Chapter 30: Julia
 Chapter 31: Julia
 Chapter 32: Paul
 Chapter 33: Julia
 Chapter 34: Julia
 Chapter 35: Paul
 Chapter 36: Julia
 Chapter 37: Paul
 Chapter 38: Julia
 Chapter 39: Paul
 Chapter 40: Paul
 Chapter 41: Julia
 Chapter 42: Julia
 Chapter 43: Paul
 Chapter 44: Julia
 Chapter 45: Paul
 Chapter 46: Julia
 Chapter 47: Paul
 Chapter 48: Julia
 Chapter 49: Julia
 Chapter 50: Julia
 Acknowledgements
 Extract
 About the Publisher
 
 
 
 Chapter 1
 Julia
 NOW
 The streetlights flash past: orange, black, orange, black, swinging low over the windscreen, over our faces.
 It’s fine.
 It’s not fine.
 It’s fine.
 But it’s not.
 This car we’re in could skid off the road. Plough into a tree or oncoming traffic. I see us ripping through a crash barrier, causing a ten-car pile-up. I can see us being arrested; I see us breaking our necks.
 These thoughts are wild; these thoughts are ridiculous. I’m in a car with my husband, travelling on the well-marked A40 back to Oxford, and we know where she is now: she’s at home, she’s quite safe. There’s nothing to go crazy about; there’s nothing to fear.
 Chrissie’s violin case slides around on the back seat, despite the fact that we’ve strapped it in. She left with her rucksack and her coat, but not her instrument – the instrument she loves so much. Another small thing that doesn’t add up. Something she was trying to communicate to us? But what?
 Chrissie, I think. Chrissie, Chrissie, Chrissie.
 I’m still fumbling to grasp the details of what happened. We searched all over the London concert venue for her, after the fire crew gave us the all-clear. A false alarm, they eventually declared. We had been standing outside for forty-five minutes by then, but split up into different areas: audience on one side of the concert venue, and performers and staff on the other. How were we