Cassandra in Reverse


 
 
 
 “Cassandra is a funny and sharply-observed character who I loved spending time with.”
 —Graeme Simsion, New York Times bestselling author of The Rosie Project
 “A pure delight from start to finish. Cassandra Dankworth is a character as unique as she is endearing: hilariously prickly and unapologetically clever yet delicate and tragically misunderstood. Cassandra in Reverse is an unexpected take on time travel, exploring the challenges of human connection.... An absolute gem of a novel.”
 —Margarita Montimore, USA TODAY bestselling author of Oona Out of Order
 “Sharp, funny, quirky, insightful and so very, very relatable.”
 —Joanne Harris, New York Times bestselling author of Chocolat and The Girl with No Shadow
 “Cassandra in Reverse reinvigorates the time loop trope with the perfect match of character and concept. Utter genius!”
 —Catriona Silvey, internationally bestselling author of Meet Me in Another Life
 “I adored Cassandra in Reverse—fresh, funny, insightful and honest. Everyone should read it and everyone will love it. Holly Smale is an exceptional writer, and this book is a treasure.”
 —Lindsey Kelk, bestselling author of I Heart New York and On a Night Like This
 
 
 Holly Smale is the internationally bestselling, award-winning author of the Geek Girl and The Valentines teen series, which have sold 3.4 million copies worldwide. In January 2021, Holly was diagnosed autistic at the age of thirty-nine. Suddenly a lot of things made sense. Holly regularly shares, debates about and celebrates neurodiversity on Twitter and Instagram @holsmale.
 
 
 Holly Smale
 Cassandra in Reverse
 
 
 
 For my sister, Tara.
 Always an army of two.
 
 
 Contents
 Epigraph
 Chapter 1
 Chapter 2
 Chapter 3
 Chapter 4
 Chapter 5
 Chapter 6
 Chapter 7
 Chapter 8
 Chapter 9
 Chapter 10
 Chapter 11
 Chapter 12
 Chapter 13
 Chapter 14
 Chapter 15
 Chapter 16
 Chapter 17
 Chapter 18
 Chapter 19
 Chapter 20
 Chapter 21
 Chapter 22
 Chapter 23
 Chapter 24
 Chapter 25
 Chapter 26
 Chapter 27
 Chapter 28
 Chapter 29
 Chapter 30
 Chapter 31
 Chapter 32
 Chapter 33
 Chapter 34
 Chapter 35
 Chapter 36
 Chapter 37
 Chapter 38
 Chapter 39
 Acknowledgments
 
 
 
 When things go well, a shadow overturns it all. When badly, a damp sponge wipes away the picture.
 Aeschylus
 
 
 1
 Where does a story start?
 It’s a lie, the first page of a book, because it masquerades as a beginning. A real beginning—the opening of something—when what you’re being offered is an arbitrary line in the sand. This story starts here. Pick a random event. Ignore whatever came before it or catch up later. Pretend the world stops when the book closes, or that a resolution isn’t simply another random moment on a curated timeline.
 But life isn’t like that, so books are dishonest.
 Maybe that’s why humans like them.
 And it’s saying that kind of shit that gets me thrown out of the Fentiman Road Book Club.
 Here are some other things I’ve been asked not to return to:
 • The Blenheim Road Readers Group
 • A large flat-share I briefly attempted in Walthamstow
 • My last relationship
 • My current job
 The final two have been in quick succession. This morning, Will—my boyfriend of four months—kissed me, listed my virtues out of nowhere and concluded the pep talk by ending our relationship.
 The job situation I found out about eighty seconds ago.
 According to the flexing jaw and flared nostrils of my boss, I’ve yet to respond to this new information. He seems faint and muted, as if he’s behind a pane of thick frosted glass. He also has a dried oat on his shirt collar but now doesn’t seem the right time to point it out: he’s married—his wife can do it later.
 “Cassie,” he says more loudly. “Did you hear me?”
 Obviously I heard him or I’d still be giving a detailed report on the client meeting I just had, which is exactly what I was doing when he fired me.
 “The issue isn’t so much your work performance,” he plows on gallantly. “Although, Christ knows, somebody who hates phone calls as much as you do shouldn’t be working in public relations.”
 I nod: that’s an accurate assessment.
 “It’s your general demeanor I can’t have in this office. You are rude. Insubordinate. Arrogant, frankly. You are not a team player, and do you know what this office needs?”
 “A better coffee machine.”
 “That’s exactly the kind of bullshit I’m talking about.”
 I’d tell you my boss’s name and give him a brief description, but judging by this conversation, he isn’t going to be a prominent character for much longer.
 “I’ve spoken to you about this on multiple occasions—Cassandra, look at me when I’m talking to you. Our highest-paying client just dropped us because of your quote, unquote relentlessly grating behavior. You are unlikable. That’s the exact word they used. Unlikable. Public relations is a People Job. For People People.”
 Now, just hang on a minute.
 “I’m a person,” I object, lifting my chin and doing my best to stare directly into his pupils. “And, as far as I’m aware, being likable is irrelevant to my job description. It’s certainly not in my contract, because I’ve checked.”
 My boss’s nostrils flare into horsiness.
 I rarely understand what another human is thinking, but I frequently feel it: a wave of emotion that pours out of them into me, like a teapot into a cup. While it fills me up, I have to work out what the hell it is, where it came from and what I’m supposed to do to stop it spilling everywhere.
 Rage that doesn’t feel like mine pulses through me: dark purple and red.
 His colors are an invasion and I do not like it.
 “Look,” my boss concludes with a patient sigh that is nothing like the emotion bolting out of him. “This just isn’t working out, Cassie, and on some level you must already know that. Maybe you should find something that is better suited to your...specific skill set.”
 That’s essentially