My So-Called Sex Life

MY SO-CALLED SEX LIFE LAUREN BLAKELY CONTENTS About A How to Date Novel My So-Called Sex Life 1. The Anti Meet Cute 2. It’s Becoming a Habit 3. Table for Two Strangers 4. Mister Nice Guy 5. He Likes Tacos 6. Wineday 7. A Horror Valentine 8. Under-exaggerating 9. Separate-ish 10. Schadenfreude 11. A Tidge Rugged 12. Grab Life by the Meatballs 13. The Long Con 14. Symptoms of a Romance Heroine 15. Take the Pill 16. Elephant Bed 17. Accidentally on Purpose 18. Game for Anything 19. The Plotting Game 20. Blindsided 21. Stop Talking 22. My So-Called Sex Life 23. The Anti-Cuddler 24. The Truth about Sixty-Nine 25. The Nutcracker 26. A Competitive Monster 27. Sex Mischief 28. Two Tickets 29. Hold the Tuna 30. Adulting Reward 31. Iron Dick 32. Vodka and Tonic Together Again 33. No More Words 34. The Finesser 35. Date Night 36. Romance Fuck-up 37. That Lucky Guy 38. Stubborn Fool 39. Of Course a Fountain 40. The Hero 41. Vex Me 42. Ten Points 43. I’m Imagining Epilogue Final Epilogue Excerpt - The RSVP Be A Lovely More Books by Lauren Dear Reader Contact Copyright © 2023 by Lauren Blakely Cover Design by Kate Farlow, Photo by Wander Aguiar All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means whatsoever without express written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, business, events and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. ABOUT I’ve got a list of people I absolutely don’t ever want to be stuck with on a boat, or a plane, or a train, and it starts and ends with the broody, grumpy, too-sexy-for-my-own good Axel Huxley. Also known as this romance novelist’s number one nemesis. The man is legendary for his mighty pen and his even mightier scowl. I tried to work together with the cocky thriller writer once upon a time, but the two of us are like vodka and good decisions. We don’t play well together. Only now, our publishers are sending us on a joint trip across Europe to mingle with our most devoted readers on an old-fashioned luxury train. And thanks to a booking snafu, we have to share a sleeper car. You guessed it--there’s only one bed. I’m not sure I can survive the next seven days and nights with my dangerously sexy enemy and all our fiery tension. Which explodes one night in a desperately needed hate bang. But the bigger plot twist is this – the more time we spend together, visiting the most romantic cities in Europe by day and discovering each other at night, the more I’m forced to face our past. To let go of the hurt. To see the man he’s become. And when I do, I wonder if it’s too late to write a new happy ending for us? A HOW TO DATE NOVEL By Lauren Blakely To be the first to find out when all of my upcoming books go live click here! PRO TIP: Add [email protected] to your contacts before signing up to make sure the emails go to your inbox! Did you know this book is also available in audio and paperback on all major retailers? Go to my website for links! MY SO-CALLED SEX LIFE BY LAUREN BLAKELY A Standalone in the How to Date series 1 THE ANTI MEET CUTE Hazel Obviously, I believe in love. If I didn’t, I’d be the worst kind of romance writer—the kind who lies to her readers. But there’s something I believe in more fervently than love, and that’s the meet-cute. You can’t get to the happy ending without the unputdownable beginning. The start of the story is my writing church, and I worship at the altar of those delicious moments when the hero and heroine meet for the first time. Or meet again. Tonight, I’ll be researching a new here’s-how-they-met possibility as I head to dinner in New York. I’m one block away from the restaurant. My short, black ankle boots click against the sidewalk on Twenty-Fourth Street as I gaze up at the numbers on the buildings. I pass a tattoo parlor where a goth gal inks a burly man’s arm, and then I acquire the target. Menu. “It’s as trendy as it is annoying,” my friend TJ said of the joint when he told me about it last week. “And I promise it’ll inspire your next chapter one.” I was sold. I made a reservation right away. Now, I’m here at the minimalist-style restaurant. Under the sign for Menu are the words Meet, Eat, Mingle. Change your life. Ambitious, but the way I see it, this place is going to be full of fodder. I can’t wait. I draw a deep inhale of the May night air, then square my shoulders. “Cover me, I’m going in,” I say to, well, no one. Sometimes I talk to myself. It’s a thing. Whatever. I head inside, marching to the hostess stand. A woman wearing a black tunic and sporting a blonde undercut shoots me a bored look. Yeah, that’s on point for a place called Menu. “Hello. I have a reservation. Valentine. Party of one,” I say. “It’s all parties of one,” she says, monotone. “Old habit,” I say with a friendly shrug. “In any case, it’s for seven-thirty.” With an aggrieved sigh, she scans the tablet screen, then meets my eyes. “The other