Never Too Old to Save the World: A Midlife Calling Anthology


 
 NEVER TOO OLD TO SAVE THE WORLD
 All stories within are copyright © 2023 their respective authors. All rights reserved.
 “Jackalope Wives” copyright 2014 by Ursula Vernon. First published in Apex Magazine, January 7, 2014.
 Published by Outland Entertainment LLC
 3119 Gillham Road
 Kansas City, MO 64109
 Founder/Creative Director: Jeremy D. Mohler
 Editor-in-Chief: Alana Joli Abbott
 ISBN (paper): 978-1-954255-47-0
 ISBN (eBook): 978-1-954255-48-7
 Worldwide Rights
 Created in the United States of America
 Editors: Alana Joli Abbott & Addie J. King
 Galley Proofer: Tara Cloud Clark
 Cover Illustration: Ann Marie Cochran
 Cover Design: Jeremy D. Mohler
 Interior Layout: Mikael Brodu
 The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious or fictitious recreations of actual historical persons. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the authors unless otherwise specified. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
 Printed and bound in the United States of America.
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 — TABLE OF CONTENTS —
 “Lean In: The Lord of Hell Is Coming” by Ericka Kahler
 “Big Momma Saves the World” by Maurice Broaddus
 “A Legacy of Ghosts” by Sarah Hans
 “The M.A.M.I. Incident” by Guadalupe García McCall
 “Adya and the Messengers” by Jaymie Wagner
 “Soccer Mom Saves the World” by Addie J. King
 “My Roots Run Deep” by John F. Allen
 “It’s My Nature” by JD Blackrose
 “Truthteller” by Linda Robertson
 “Utopia” by Vaseem Khan
 “Jackalope Wives” by Ursula Vernon
 “Granny” by R.J. Sullivan
 “Launch Day Milkshakes” by Jim C. Hines
 “The Sunspear” by Alexandra Pitchford
 “Once a Queen” by Alana Joli Abbott
 “By the Works of Her Hands” by LaShawn M. Wanak
 “All the World’s Treasures” by Kimberly Pauley
 “Strange Wings” by Kathryn Ivey
 “The Mountain Witch” by Lucy A. Snyder
 — LEAN IN: THE LORD OF HELL IS COMING —
 by Ericka Kahler
 Vincent followed the man he was pretty sure was a demon into the office of the CEO of MA Culpepper, LLC. It unnerved him that they both wore similar suits, though the demon’s tie was bright crimson silk while his was a boring polyester navy blue. Vincent adjusted his tie tighter against his Adam’s apple. His fingers gripped the handle of the briefcase as he sat in the chair the demon gestured to.
 Mary Ann Culpepper breezed in behind the demon. “Thank you, Dipshit,” Mary Ann said. Vincent blinked in surprise, but realized she was talking to the demon, not him. He shifted his eyes to the creature. Instead of going on a demonic rampage, it simply nodded its head at Mary Ann and left the room. She sat down into an over-sized leather chair that vaguely resembled a throne, despite being an ordinary executive office chair.
 “So, Mister…” she trailed off expectantly.
 “Uh, Vincent Dunferline.” He fumbled his briefcase onto the small table next to his chair. It tipped over and crashed to its side on the polished veneer. He patted it nervously before looking up at Mary Ann again. Her hand was stretched toward him, inviting him into a handshake. He took a very deep breath before reaching out and clasping it. Her hand felt warm and soft. Ordinary.
 “I have a very busy day, Vincent. Can I call you Vincent?” Mary Ann asked.
 This was it. This was the moment he’d been preparing for his entire adult life. He took a deep breath. “Mary Ann Culpepper, you’ve been chosen.”
 She tilted her head to the side. “Wait, you aren’t the guy from the IRS?”
 “Oh, I am,” he said. “But I am also a member of an ancient order that is charged with saving the human race from the demon incursions. I took your case so I could make contact with you and tell you about your sacred duty.”
 Mary Ann sat up straight in her chair, then let out a huff of breath. “Well, finally.”
 Vincent blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”
 “Hold on a sec,” she pushed a button. “The IRS auditor is also a member of the Order. I’m going to need you to make some more room on my schedule for him.”
 “The Lord of Hell is coming,” a deep, gritty voice said through the speaker.
 “I know. Today of all days, right? Thank you, Dipshit.” Mary Ann sat back. “So you finally figured it out. You picked a rather inconvenient day to show up, but I think I can make it work. Should make the IRS audit a bit easier, so that’s a bonus. Come on, make your pitch.”
 “My pitch? I don’t think you understand. I am a member of the Order of St. Anthony of the Tomb, and we’ve been searching for the Chosen One, the one prophecy tells us has the power to see the demons—”
 “Wait, wait,” Mary Ann leaned forward toward him. “I started this company three years ago, and I met Dipshit two years before that. Seems like your Order doesn’t have a very efficient process for locating your Chosen One. But anyway, you were saying, about a prophecy?”
 Vincent sat on the edge of his chair. “Once a generation a woman is born who is the inheritor of the legacy of St. Anthony. She has the power to identify and slay the demons hiding in our world. The Chosen One is the only one who can save us from the demon hordes coming out of Hell. Our Order is charged to find you and teach you how to use your gifts to protect humanity.”
 Mary Ann sighed in a sort of nostalgia. She glanced down at her watch. “Don’t worry about your prophecy, I got it covered.”
 “Got it…covered?”
 Mary Ann twisted her head to look over at the door. “It might be faster if we covered the Chosen One stuff and the supposed labor law violations at