All That It Ever Meant

Contents
 
 
 Cover
 Title
 Contents
 Prologue
 Chapter One
 Chapter Two
 Chapter Three
 Chapter Four
 Chapter Five
 Chapter Six
 Chapter Seven
 Chapter Eight
 Chapter Nine
 Chapter Ten
 Chapter Eleven
 Chapter Twelve
 Chapter Thirteen
 Chapter Fourteen
 Chapter Fifteen
 Chapter Sixteen
 Chapter Seventeen
 Chapter Eighteen
 Chapter Nineteen
 Chapter Twenty
 Chapter Twenty-One
 Chapter Twenty-Two
 Chapter Twenty-Three
 Chapter Twenty-Four
 Chapter Twenty-Five
 Chapter Twenty-Six
 Chapter Twenty-Seven
 Chapter Twenty-Eight
 Epilogue
 Acknowledgments
 About the Author
 About Accord Books
 Copyright
 
 
 
 Guide
 
 Cover
 Title
 
 
 
 Page List
 
 i
 ii
 iii
 v
 vi
 1
 2
 3
 4
 5
 6
 7
 8
 9
 10
 11
 12
 13
 14
 15
 16
 17
 18
 19
 20
 21
 22
 23
 24
 25
 26
 27
 28
 29
 30
 31
 32
 33
 34
 35
 36
 37
 38
 39
 40
 41
 42
 43
 44
 45
 46
 47
 48
 49
 50
 51
 52
 53
 54
 55
 56
 57
 58
 59
 60
 61
 62
 63
 64
 65
 66
 67
 68
 69
 70
 71
 72
 73
 74
 75
 76
 77
 78
 79
 80
 81
 82
 83
 84
 85
 86
 87
 88
 89
 90
 91
 92
 93
 94
 95
 96
 97
 98
 99
 100
 101
 102
 103
 104
 105
 106
 107
 108
 109
 110
 111
 112
 113
 114
 115
 116
 117
 118
 119
 120
 121
 122
 123
 124
 125
 126
 127
 128
 129
 130
 131
 132
 133
 134
 135
 136
 137
 138
 139
 140
 141
 142
 143
 144
 145
 146
 147
 148
 149
 150
 151
 152
 153
 154
 155
 156
 157
 158
 159
 160
 161
 162
 163
 164
 165
 166
 167
 168
 169
 170
 171
 172
 173
 174
 175
 176
 177
 iv
 
 
 
 
 
 All That It Ever Meant is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
 Copyright © 2023 by Blessing Musariri
 All rights reserved
 First Edition
 For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to Permissions, W. W. Norton & Company, Inc., 500 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10110
 For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact W. W. Norton Special Sales at [email protected] or 800-233-4830
 Jacket art © NOA DENMON
 Jacket design by HANA ANOUK NAKAMUR
 Book design by Hana Anouk Nakamura
 Production manager: Delaney Adams
 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available
 ISBN: 978-1-324-03095-9
 ISBN: 978-1-324-03096-6 (ebk.)
 W. W. Norton & Company, Inc., 500 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10110
 www.wwnorton.com
 W. W. Norton & Company Ltd., 15 Carlisle Street, London W1D 3BS
 
 
 PROLOGUE
 HERE is the short version. Chichi swore at Baba and he went mental.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 ALL THAT IT EVER MEANT
 A NOVEL
 Blessing Musariri
 ACCORD BOOKS
 
 NORTON YOUNG READERS
 An Imprint of W. W. Norton & Company
 Celebrating a Century of Independent Publishing
 
 
 CONTENTS
 Prologue
 Chapter One
 Chapter Two
 Chapter Three
 Chapter Four
 Chapter Five
 Chapter Six
 Chapter Seven
 Chapter Eight
 Chapter Nine
 Chapter Ten
 Chapter Eleven
 Chapter Twelve
 Chapter Thirteen
 Chapter Fourteen
 Chapter Fifteen
 Chapter Sixteen
 Chapter Seventeen
 Chapter Eighteen
 Chapter Nineteen
 Chapter Twenty
 Chapter Twenty-One
 Chapter Twenty-Two
 Chapter Twenty-Three
 Chapter Twenty-Four
 Chapter Twenty-Five
 Chapter Twenty-Six
 Chapter Twenty-Seven
 Chapter Twenty-Eight
 Epilogue
 Acknowledgments
 About the Author
 About Accord Books
 
 
 CHAPTER ONE
 
 AND, she’s still swearing, but he’s ignoring her. He’s ignoring all of us. Baba hasn’t spoken to us since we left England. Only to give instructions. I don’t blame him. I don’t feel like speaking either. Only it’s hard times for Tana, but he’s tired of hoping things will change and has given in.
 “Dad! What is this? I mean really Dad! This is fucked up.” Chichi is walking around the vehicle, throwing her long braids back as she peers into the door in the side. It looks like an army truck, if they were having a mobile sleepover. I want to feel some kind of way about everything but not right now.
 I don’t swear. I’m not cool enough and never angry enough. They’re just not my words. I’d have to practice saying them, become comfortable with them, try them out and then make that commitment. I’m not looking for relationships of any kind right now.
 The “what” Chichi is asking about is an overland expedition truck. Baba and Babam’kuru Alois are walking around it kicking tires (as if), checking this and that and watching the gardener load up supplies.
 It would be exciting and fun, if everyone weren’t so angry and raw in the middle. Tana’s eyes are huge in his little face and for the first time in days, he’s buzzing. He’s never ever been this buzzed his whole life I don’t think. I’m happy for him.
 Our cousins are away at boarding school, so we won’t see them. We’re missing them by a few days. Babam’kuru says when we get back, we’ll see them. I feel like he’s maybe glad they haven’t come back because he’s been commiserating with Baba since he picked us up from Robert Gabriel Mugabe airport. This morning Baba told Chichi, “Those shorts are too short.” She muttered under her breath, flipped her braids at him as she walked away, but didn’t change. I saw the look on Babam’kuru’s face. It said, “No child of mine would ever!” He opened his mouth to speak but Baba put a hand on his shoulder and he kept the steam inside his own head. He’s Baba’s older brother. His wife, Maiguru Anesu, goes to work really early, but even if she had been here she wouldn’t have said anything. She’s very soft and smiley and doesn’t take anything too serious. When Chichi was huffing around their house being a monster, she just carried about her business being nice and smiley about everything. Tana melted himself into her and soaked up all the good vibes. I want to be better to him, but it’s not a good time.
 I’m having a kind