Her Big Secret

HER BIG SECRET SHANEL HEART VS. HEAD MJ Just turn around and take your ass home, MJ. I closed my eyes and chewed on my bottom lip, doing my best to talk myself into cranking my car back up and driving off. I knew what I needed to do, but my heart and mind were at war. It seemed like I played this game with myself every other week. It had been like this for months, damn near a year, and still…I battled with myself. “Just fucking leave,” I said out loud this time, gripping the steering wheel. When I opened my eyes and lifted my head, they met with another set, leaning against the railing watching me. I held their gaze that pierced into me from outside. I sighed and popped the door open, grabbing my bag from the passenger side and stepping out. I wasn’t leaving. The apartment door was wide open as I climbed the stairs. Neither one of us said anything, and as I walked in, I dropped my bag and slid my feet out of my shoes. I heard the door shut, but I didn’t turn around. Tattooed hands came around, wrapping around my waist, and lips landed on my neck, causing me to suck in air and shudder. “What’s up?” I shrugged. “You don’t have to be here. I don’t want you here if you don’t wanna be.” Turning, I blew out a deep breath, “It’s not that I don’t want to be. I just…this is hard for me.” “Why? You keep telling me that shit, but you ain’t actually saying a damn thing.” I ran my hand through my hair, shaking my head. How did I explain this to someone that wouldn’t understand? I wasn’t trying to hurt any feelings, and I wasn’t being fair to myself because I wasn’t being true to my own feelings. I was hiding, and it fucking sucked. I hated the way it made it feel. “You wouldn’t get it,” I mumbled, walking away and sitting on the couch. “You underestimate me. Don’t forget what I’ve been through. But, because of what I’ve been through, I don’t have time to play. You need to decide what you want to do. Then you need to own it. I’m done with this back and forth shit.” My mouth fell open in shock, “What is that supposed to mean?” “It means grow the fuck up and get your shit together. You’re twenty-two years old, MJ. Make up your mind.” How was I expected to do that? I was doing the best I could to keep my head above water right now. Anything more than that was an act from God. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes before I could stop them, and I did my best to keep them at bay. “I just need a little more time,” I said, wiping them away as they escaped and ran down my cheeks. “I don’t have any more time to give you.” Nodding slowly, I stood up, accepting that it was time for me to go. God, I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay and be in the one place where I felt like myself. Where I felt like everything was perfect. It had turned into my little oasis. I want to stay. But things were complicated, and I had to respect the reasoning behind my time being cut short. I walked past, reaching down to grab my bag, but was suddenly gripped up and spun around. My back slammed against the nearest wall, and then we were kissing. Our lips meshed together, and our tongues danced feverishly against one another. Hands roamed, and heavy pants came next. My shirt came over my head, and then my bra was unclasped. Within minutes, we were both naked and on the living room floor. My eyes closed as I felt that devilish pierced tongue on my nipples. My body relished in the heated feeling that took over. My legs fell open, and I gasped as fingers probed and dug deep inside. “Oh, yes!” I moaned as my clit was flicked and then vacuumed into a warm, wet mouth. My hand went into a thick mass of hair, and I held on for dear life. My orgasm came quickly. It had been building for days. I had been on the edge of exploding for hours, due to the text messages that were exchanged since last night. “Wait, wait…oh my God-” My words were cut off by the massive wave that crashed over me. My eyes rolled into the back of my head, and I felt lightheaded as I tried to catch my breath. Our bodies rolled over, and I was on top, grinding and pressing us together. Our time together taught me so much. So many things that I didn’t even know I was capable of. Or that I wanted to be a part of, and yet now they were all I could think about. Our legs intertwined, and I pushed forward, putting our most sensitive parts in sync with one another. That same tatted hand came up and wrapped around my throat, squeezing gently. I bit down on my bottom lip as I stared down into those fucking eyes. Those eyes that were proving to be what I saw in my dreams at night. I ran my hand across their stomach, feeling the smoothness of flesh. I brought my body down and sighed deeply. The floor was hard and uncomfortable, but none of that mattered. The only thing that I could think about was chasing another orgasm, and pulling one out from this very special person in my life. The person that I would have never imagined myself being with. “Fuck, MJ. Come on, baby, show me what you learned. That’s it, just like that. Keep that pace. Yes, baby!” I squeezed my eyes shut, once again feeling the tears coming. It seemed like lately I had done more crying