The Sun and Its Shade


 
 
 
 
 
 
 Copyright © 2023 by Piper CJ
 Cover and internal design © 2023 by Sourcebooks
 Cover art by Kyria and Nigel Smith
 Internal design by Ashley Holstrom/Sourcebooks
 Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks. Bloom Books is a trademark of Sourcebooks.
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 The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
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 Published by Bloom Books, an imprint of Sourcebooks
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 Contents
 Front Cover
 Title Page
 Copyright
 Content Warning
 Listen Along with The Sun and Its Shade
 Map of Gyrradin
 Pronunciation Guide
 Prologue
 Part One
 One
 Two
 Three
 Four
 Five
 Six
 Seven
 Eight
 Nine
 Ten
 Eleven
 Twelve
 Thirteen
 Fourteen
 Fifteen
 Sixteen
 Seventeen
 Part Two
 Eighteen
 Nineteen
 Twenty
 Twenty-One
 Twenty-Two
 Twenty-Three
 Twenty-Four
 Twenty-Five
 Twenty-Six
 Twenty-Seven
 Twenty-Eight
 Twenty-Nine
 Thirty
 Thirty-One
 Thirty-Two
 Thirty-Three
 Thirty-Four
 Thirty-Five
 Part Three
 Thirty-Six
 Thirty-Seven
 Thirty-Eight
 Thirty-Nine
 Forty
 Forty-One
 Forty-Two
 Forty-Three
 Forty-Four
 Forty-Five
 Forty-Six
 Epilogue
 Acknowledgments
 About the Author
 Back Cover
 
 
 Content Warning
 This book contains consensual breath play.
 
 
 I’d like to use this opportunity
 to tell Henry Cavill that I too am a nerd
 and then put my phone number in the dedication.
 Henry Cavill as Geralt?
 You get it.
 I get it.
 Did you know he was late for his Superman audition
 because he was playing WoW? We’re both gamers.
 I did know that.
 So can I give him a shout-out?
 You may not.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 Pronunciation Guide
 Characters
 Amaris: ah-MAR-iss
 Achard: A-kard
 Ceres: SERE-iss
 Gadriel: GA-dree-ell
 Malik: MAL-ik
 Moirai: moy-RAI
 Samael: sam-eye-ELL
 Odrin: OH-drin
 Zaccai: za-KAI
 Places
 Aubade: obeyed
 Farleigh: far-LAY
 Gyrradin: GEER-a-din
 Gwydir: gwih-DEER
 Henares: hen-AIR-ess
 Raascot: RA-scott
 Yelagin: YELL-a-ghin
 Uaimh Reev: OOM reev
 Monsters
 Ag’drurath: AG-drath
 Ag’imni: ag-IM-nee
 Beseul: beh-ZOOL
 Sustron: SUS-trun
 Vageth: VA-geth
 
 
 Prologue
 “Cinnamon, cardamom, pepper.” Amaris mumbled the words to her quietly. “And plums. Always plums.”
 The way she inhaled was like sipping wine, as if she were savoring each delicate scent. Amaris had always said that Nox smelled like dark spices and the sweet, ripe fruit they’d had the chance to try on rare occasions. She’d also stated more than once that it was the best smell in the world, better than baked bread or perfume or chocolate.
 She cuddled into Nox, sleepily muttering something about comfort, safety, and home.
 Dreams were cruelties. They were painful reminders of what wasn’t and what would never be. They weren’t memories, truths, or even hopes. They were reminders of all the things that hadn’t—or couldn’t—come to pass.
 “I wish you were here,” Nox said quietly, running her fingers through silken, pearly strands of hair. Her heart wanted to swell with its fullness at the girl’s presence, but instead, it squeezed, strangled with the knowledge that Amaris was little more than a phantom. Nox had been so desperate to hold her again. Seeing the rippling corners of consciousness that presented themselves only in dreams, she couldn’t bring herself to soak in the joy she’d wanted so badly to feel.
 Amaris unraveled herself from the hug to look up into Nox’s face, the light violet of her eyes catching against the filtered light. Shadows obscured her lovely features ever so slightly. Her white brows stitched together in the middle with a tinge of confusion as she looked up at her.
 “I am here.”
 Nox murmured, “Right now, that’s all that matters.”
 “I don’t want to do this without you,” Amaris said quietly against the skin of her neck.
 “You have me,” Nox promised. Nox’s heart cracked at the speech, knowing that in this, as with all dreams, her subconscious supplied her with what she wanted to hear. “And I know you’re alive. Wherever you are, you’re alive.”
 “How do you know?”
 “I would feel it,” she whispered.
 “I am,” Amaris said with low, sleepy certainty.
 “You are what?”
 “I’m okay.”
 Nox hated herself for conjuring a healthy, loving Amaris when, for all she knew, the one who held her heart had tumbled to the jagged cliffs and lay comatose after falling from the back of a dragon. All Nox had wanted was to keep her safe. She’d done all she could to help the snowflake, too small, too delicate for the cruelties of the world as she’d been dragged into the coliseum.
 But Amaris hadn’t been fragile. She hadn’t been powerless or defenseless. She was nothing like the snowflake Nox had known and loved in Farleigh. She had been capable and quick and strong. She’d been agile and brave. She was someone Nox didn’t know. Not anymore.
 Nox didn’t want danger or adventure or trials. She didn’t want dragons or dungeons or assassins. She hated the castles, the guards, and the welts that she knew throbbed on her skin even as she slept on the forest floor from the biting twigs and stinging insects. She rejected all of it. All Nox desired was a pantry filled with root vegetables and a quiet life that left them to rest in each other’s arms. Even in her dreams, she didn’t dare let herself hope for more than this simple exchange. Nox had locked her feelings up so tightly that even her unconscious mind wouldn’t allow her to want or to wish.
 Her heart shattered, each crack like the tension of a frozen lake. It broke under some terrible impact as her ice began to fracture, feeling the first