Wanted You More

© Copyright 2023 B. Celeste EPUB Edition All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Cover by Cassie at Opulent Designs Editing by Marla at Proofing Style OTHER BOOKS BY B. CELESTE The Truth about Heartbreak The Truth about Tomorrow The Truth about Us Underneath the Sycamore Tree All the Shattered Pieces Where the Little Birds Go Where the Little Birds Are Into the Clear Water Color Me Pretty Tell Me When It’s Over Tell Me Why It’s Wrong Dare You to Hate Me Beg You to Trust Me Make You Miss Me When It Rains Here’s to 2023 B is back TABLE OF CONTENTS Cover Title Page Copyright Page Other Books by B. Celeste Dedication Playlist Trigger Warning Prologue SUMMER 2022 Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven FALL 2022 Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen WINTER 2022 Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen Chapter Twenty Chapter Twenty-One SUMMER 2023 Chapter Twenty-Two Chapter Twenty-Three Chapter Twenty-Four Chapter Twenty-Five Chapter Twenty-Six Chapter Twenty-Seven Chapter Twenty-Eight FALL 2023 Chapter Twenty-Nine Chapter Thirty Chapter Thirty-One Chapter Thirty-Two WINTER 2023 Chapter Thirty-Three Chapter Thirty-Four Chapter Thirty-Five Chapter Thirty-Six Chapter Thirty-Seven SPRING 2024 Chapter Thirty-Eight Chapter Thirty-Nine Chapter Forty Chapter Forty-One Chapter Forty-Two Chapter Forty-Three Chapter Forty-Four SUMMER 2023 Chapter Forty-Five Chapter Forty-Six Chapter Forty-Seven FALL 2024 Chapter Forty-Eight Chapter Forty-Nine WINTER 2024 Chapter Fifty Chapter Fifty-One SPRING 2025 Chapter Fifty-Two Epilogue About the Author PLAYLIST “I Miss the Misery” – Halestorm “I Wish I Didn’t Give a Shit” – Atlus “Drunk Texts” – Kode “Wanted You More” – Lady A “Not Like I’m In Love With You” – Lauren Weintraub “Heavy” – Linkin Park ft. Kiiara “This Love (Taylor’s Version)” – Taylor Swift “Bad Decisions” – Ariana Grande “Falling” – Harry Styles “My Mind & Me” – Selena Gomez TRIGGER WARNING This book deals with the aftermath of a public shooting. While nothing is detailed graphically, in this novel, it could be triggering to some. PROLOGUE Summer 2012 I was eight years old when I experienced the threat of oblivion for the first time, and it started with all of my favorite things. Slightly charred hotdogs covered in bittersweet ketchup, sour pink lemonade, and my family. The start of the end began with the firework display. Bright. Loud. Beautiful. Reds. Whites. Blues. Until the noisy cheer of the packed crowd in Shakespeare Park turned into noisy chaos as everybody started to scatter. I looked to my left, where my mother had disappeared to the bathroom with my little brother, Wolfe, then to my right to search for my father’s familiar face, where he’d been talking to a family friend about golf. Instead of my family, I saw a mass of others running toward me with fear-stricken faces. “Mommy?” I call out, dodging the people grabbing their kids from the foldable lawn chairs spread along the grass. The fireworks are getting louder. Closer. I don’t know when the park stopped smelling like the yummy grilled food from the barbecues or food trucks, but soon a pungent odor took over the space that became too thick and suffocating to bear. I stumble when someone smacks into me from the side, then nearly fall when somebody else runs into me from the other side. “Daddy? Where are you?” Suddenly, hands grab me from under the arms and pick me up despite my wild protest. When I look over my shoulder, the blurry image of the older man who delivers our mail is who I see. “We need to run, kid.” “But Mommy and Daddy—” “We’ll meet them,” the red-faced man whose name I can’t remember tells me, although he doesn’t sound like he’s telling the truth. He’s winded and breathing funny as he’s keeping pace with the others running, and the bang, bang, bang gets louder and louder. Red, white, and blues light up the sky. They don’t seem very pretty anymore. When I try searching around us, the mailman’s grip tightens around me as one of those large hands that delivers all of Mom’s Amazon packages blocks my eyes. “Don’t look, Austen.” His voice is hoarse, making my weird name sound stranger coming from him. My parents are both English professors, which is why they named me after Jane Austen and my little brother after Virginia Woolf. “When we get to the parking lot,” he says, struggling for air as he hauls me closer to his chest, “I’m going to put you down and you need to run to safe—” His directions get cut off by a horrible, gargling sound before we drop to the ground in a tangled heap that makes it hard to breathe from the weight of his body on my back. Something wet seeps into my pretty new shirt that has a glitter heart in the middle with stripes like the American flag. I begged Mom to buy it for me even though she hates glitter. When I see her, I’ll tell her I’ll get rid of it. I’ll get rid of whatever she wants. There’s a Barbie that melted in the hot sun a few years ago that freaks her out, but I’ve been too attached to get rid of it. I’d let her throw that out too. My eyes get heavy as I think about all the things I’d change for her. She can cut my long hair like she’s been wanting to and style it however she wants. I’ll wear pigtails again like I did when I was little. No matter how much I try to wiggle from under