Death Becomes Them

Death Becomes ThemBy Adrian Cousins Copyright © 2022 Adrian CousinsAll rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the author’s express written permission except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, schools, places, locales, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.www.adriancousins.co.uk ContentsPrologue1 Newton's Cradle2 Desperate Housewives3 Apocalypse Now4 Minder5 Licence To Kill6 Welcome To The Pleasuredome7 Hot Fuzz8 The Sting9 In The Best Possible Taste10 Cruel Sea11 Mona Lisa12 Flatliners13 Life Is A Box Of Chocolates14 Sonic The Hedgehog15 Watch With Mother16 High Plains Drifter17 A Fist Full Of Dollars18 One Million Years B.C19 Trading Places20 Ravel's Boléro21 Lady Madonna22 To The Lighthouse23 All Creatures Great And Small24 Centrefold25 Grey Goose26 Brummie Trap27 Wher Do I Begin?28 Follow The Yellow Brick Road29 Action Man30 The Sopranos31 World Peace32 Tanya The Lotus Eater33 Giant Haystacks34 Mr. & Mrs. Smith35 Submariner36 Wacky Races37 Three Lions38 Sweet Child O' Mine39 Prima Ballerina Assoluta40 Both Sides Now41 Pamplona El Encierro42 The Thomas Crown Affair43 Santo Spirito44 Dead Ringers45 Mad Dogs And Englishmen46 Jack Oswald White47 Our Lady Of Paris48 White House Ghost49 Killing Me Softly50 Death Becomes Them Prologue2016Acting Sheriff Hank Peterson killed the engine and silenced his radio after skidding his police cruiser to a halt on the edge of the muddy dirt track. Hank slugged down the remains of his coffee whilst peering through the trees towards the trail leading to the lake shore. After a particularly heavy session whilst watching the ball game with the boys at Marty Bride’s beer house, he’d hoped today would pan out to be a quiet one. Unfortunately, after a panicked call from Jake, his rookie deputy, it appeared that wasn’t going to be the case.The strobe lights emanating from Jake’s cruiser, parked a few yards ahead, danced through the dense grove of pine trees that encircled and tightly cloaked the eastern tip of Lake Ozark. Hank grabbed his heavy metal flashlight from the passenger footwell. Although a bright morning, he knew ten feet into the thick undergrowth, the tall pines transformed the vista down to the lake into a dark tunnel.Whilst wincing at the strobe lights and hoping the more-than-suggested dose of Advil would soon dull his hangover, the acting sheriff shoved open the door and heaved his sizable bulk out into the spring sunshine. The cruiser’s suspension creaked with relief as he somewhat ungainly alighted.As he threw the door closed, Hank spotted Jake lumbering through the trees towards him. Jake had radioed through earlier, stating he was scooting this way after a bunch of kids had apparently discovered a body. This was all he needed today. Hank was all for an easy life, which involved sipping coffee and shovelling cinnamon rolls down his throat at the diner over on Bagnell Dam Boulevard, not dealing with stiffs by the lake.This particular area covered by the Miller County Police Department rarely dealt with situations of this sort. No, this low-crime part of Missouri wasn’t like Palestine West, a horrendous neighbourhood in his home city of Kansas where he’d spent many years in his long career dealing with drug-related violent crimes and homicides. Despite that, whilst his heavily perspiring deputy hauled himself up the incline towards him, Hank knew he was in for one hell of a shit day.“Jake, what we got?”Jake, panting and wheezing like Rocky, Hank’s twelve-year-old Labrador, halted and puffed out his cheeks before resting his hands on his knees. Although twenty years Hank’s junior, he seemed to model himself on the acting sheriff if his gut-straining shirt was anything to go by. Jake rarely crossed the threshold to the local gym, preferring to accompany the acting sheriff when savouring the artery-clogging delights of a cinnamon roll and a couple of ring doughnut chasers at the local diner.Hank glanced around the glade, waiting for his deputy to catch his breath. Although the track, a mixture of soft earth and pine needles, lay muddy from recent rains, he presumed the forensic boys would fail to identify any tyre tracks now their cruisers had obliterated the evidence. Hank knew he was out of practise when it came to managing crime scenes. Also, it appeared his clueless rookie deputy hadn’t given any thought to the fact that dumping a body up here would require transport.As Hank flipped the trunk to grab a roll of police tape to secure the area, Jake straightened up.“It’s some limey. He’s down near the water’s edge.”Hank glanced up as he grabbed the blue and white roll of tape. “Oh, crap, a tourist. I hate tourists,” he huffed. “This Brit got a name?”Jake patted his pants pockets, then glanced around at his feet, stepping back while searching the bed of pine needles and frantically patting his pants and shirt pockets some more. “Err … oh,” he stuttered, before offering up an opened-mouth-frowning expression and sporting a worried look.Hank threw the truck lid down. “Well, if you know he’s a Brit, I’m kinda guessing you have his ID.”“I did.”“You did? Hell, what does that mean?”“Ah, sorry. I checked the guy’s pockets and found a wallet. He had a few bills and one of those funny looking European driver’s licences in it. I assumed he’s a limey ’cos that licence got that fancy union flag printed on the front, but I’ve forgotten the stiff’s name.” Jake restarted his pocket-patting routine when clocking Hank’s somewhat bemused look.“You tellin’ me you’ve managed to lose the god-damn thing?”Jake nodded, realising he must have dropped the dead man’s wallet somewhere along the trail.Hank lowered his head and heavy-footed thumped his way towards his hapless deputy. Jake backed up a pace as Hank raised his head and pursed his lips. “So, let me get this straight. We’ve got ourselves a stiff by the lake, and